And my soul shall be joyful in the LORD; It shall rejoice in His salvation. Psalm 35:9
(11 of 44 of H1523)
Today is a hard day to write about joy. Without going into too much detail, this morning has been a real struggle for me. But a part of my brain says, "This is the day you need to write about it most." Hm.
George Carlin once said, "Inside every cynical person is a disappointed idealist."
It's hard to remain idealistic about life, dreams, and goals when you lose sight of the small headway you've made. All you can see is that there are a lot of hopes and they are the same exact hopes you've had for decades. You don't feel any closer to them. If anything, they feel farther away.
"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." Phillipians 4:8 NIV
This is hard when what you feel is entirely different. When the current facts and statistics that are looking back at you from the page are not good or lovely. They're disheartening and uninspiring. Lack of progress can suck the motivation right out of me. If trying and not trying equal the same results, why try?
I am thankful for my husband today because he is often the person that speaks truth to me when I am so discouraged. And we need those people to break through the haze our mind is in at that point. He reminds me that there has been progress, no matter how minuscule. But I feel that constantly relying on others to pull me out of darkness is not maturity. Not that this is weak or that I will even stop turning to others for help, that would be prideful. But my mind needs to learn to change too, to counter attack when attacked, not just curl up in a little ball and cry in fear. I need to choose to stand, not just be carried all the time. Why do I forget all about God and what the Word says in these moments? I am still writing that on my heart. Still learning to see those moments for what they really are: a lie to discourage me, to stop me.
So here is the tie in to today's verse. Most of Psalm 35 is David asking God to fight for him. And this is probably in reference to real life attacks as he was being pursued by a crazy king out for his blood. But today, it's also my cry.
Brandish spear and javelin against those who pursue me.
Say to my soul, "I am your salvation."
Psalm 35:3
Ours is a spiritual enemy, but he is no less out for our blood and destruction. This fight is no less real and we are no less God's chosen than David was.
I hope this blog made some sense because my mind is still not clear. I wish I could say that as soon as I declared the truth it all fell away, like magic. Sometimes breakthrough happens like that, yeah? But not today. Today I am still fighting the despair, declaring that I will not accept this bleak outlook as truth, I won't stop doing what I am doing. And its working, little by little. I just have to keep holding onto His hand as I try to walk in something I am not used to walking in.
You are good, You are good
When there's nothing good in me
You are love, You are love
On display for all to see
You are light, You are light
When the darkness closes in
You are hope, You are hope
You have covered all my sin
You are peace, You are peace
When my fear is crippling
You are true, You are true
Even in my wandering
You are joy, You are joy
You're the reason that I sing
You are life, You are life,
In You death has lost its sting
Forever Reign- Hillsong
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